30) Jurassic World Rebirth (2025)

(2 's out of 5)

"Intelligence is massively overrated as an adaptive trait."

Director
Gareth Edwards

Cast
Scarlett Johansson - Zora Bennett
Jonathan Bailey - Dr. Henry Loomis
Mahershala Ali - Duncan Kincaid
Rupert Friend - Martin Krebs
Manuel Garcia-Rulfo - Reuben Delgado
Luna Blaise - Teresa Delgado
Audrina Miranda - Isabella Delgado
David Iacono - Xavier Dobbs

I thought the "Jurassic Park" movies would someday shift away from the repetitious formula of dinosaurs chasing people stranded on dangerous deserted islands at some point within the six movies that came out after the first movie from 1993. 

I thought that was the direction the franchise was taking in "Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom" from 2018. That movie came close, as far as I remember, to possibly having a series of movies in which dinosaurs knock us off the top of the food chain on a global scale. But nope. Here we are at the seventh movie in the franchise, which I've dubbed, "Dinosaurs Chasing People part 7" and the writers are still telling the same story as before. 

In this new movie, dinosaurs chase a new crew of idiots on a deserted island just as they always do. This time, the experience stars Scarlett Johansson.

The movie starts in 2008 as scientists and researchers at InGen (International Genetic Technologies, Inc.), the same company responsible for cloning all those dinosaurs, are doing their same old dinosaur research over at Île Saint-Hubert which is in some secluded spot out on the Atlantic. Over at this lab, they're coming up with all kinds of genetically modified dinosaurs. 

Well, an angry, hungry and freaky looking Tyrannosauroidea, which the scientists call "Distortus rex" breaks free from its very scientific highly secure containment and eats a worker, etc., etc. We've seen it all before.

This giant dinosaur is too much for the workers to control, so they ditch the facility thus giving the franchise another deserted island so new group of morons can have a place to run from dinosaurs. 

The story shifts to present day. And of course, Earth's climate has made the world an uninhabitable

place for all the dinosaurs because climate change is among the sacred dogmas of the party that runs Hollywood. I'm mean, it's killing off fictional dinosaurs, people! DO SOMETHING! 

It's also a way for the writers to kill off any possibility for a different kind of story in the franchise. 

However, dinosaurs are thriving in areas in and around the equator. The climate down there is similar to what the Earth's climate was back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth the first time. 

World governments have forbidden travel to these dinosaur zones which make it abundantly clear that this movie is going to surround people going to that no-people zone. 

A pharmaceutical executive named Martin Krebs (Rupert Friend), who works for ParkerGenix, asks former military covert operative, Zora Bennett (Scarlett Johansson) to speak with paleontologist Dr. Henry Loomis (Jonathan Bailey) regarding a super-duper secret mission. 

Obviously, that super-secret mission will involve that deserted island infested with dinosaurs including that freaky dinosaur from the beginning. The purpose of this mission is to collect organic samples from three specific dinosaur species in order to develop remedies to treat heart disease.
Zora asks her old pal, Duncan Kincaid (Mahershala Ali), to lead her team of island-visiting medicine making rebels. Kincaid agrees and even has a small team of his own as well. So, off they all go. 

Elsewhere on the seas, Reuben Delgado (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo) is out on his private boat sailing with his youngest daughter, Isabella (Audrina Miranda), his older daughter, Teresa (Luna Blaise) along with Teresa's boyfriend, Xavier Dobbs (David Iacono) for a family trip. 

They end up shipwrecked thanks to underwater dwelling dinosaurs. They're picked up by Duncan and the crew and are forced to go with them to the big, lonely, deserted dinosaur island. Once they all arrive they're chased around as they try to get their samples. 

Basically, the movie is about "sciencey" yet mindless researcher/ pharmaceutical people who haven't learned much from the previous six movies. These idiots get to the island and continue to be chased and eaten until they can get off the island. Does that premise sound familiar?

Honestly, I'm growing tired of these "Jurassic Park" movies. By this point, they've become dull and repetitive. The premise of bringing dinosaurs back through science and whatever else is involved was thrilling and entertaining to watch the first time around. The seventh time is boring. 

The characters are the same types of characters as before tossing out the same kind of lines. The premise, of course, hasn't changed much. The characters become more and more forgettable. 

Scarlett Johansson being all bad-ass and stuff.

The first film, directed by Steven Spielberg, is a fantastic movie. 

The second movie, "The Lost World: Jurassic Park" also directed by Steven Spielberg is mediocre but still entertaining. The dinosaurs may look alright, but the characters are trapped in the repeated plot all while lacking personality and, really, anything interesting. Regardless I was sold on the twist when the Tyrannosaurus breaks free and rampages through San Diego. I think this is the only logical premise the franchise needs to go. 

"Jurassic Park III" has all the feels of an unnecessary sequel. And again, the characters lack depth. They're just dinosaur chow. 

The fourth installment, "Jurassic World" tried to do the theme park plot all over again but with vacationing park visitors this time around. It also introduces a genetically modified insane dinosaur. Chris Pratt is a nice addition but, again, it's a premise that audiences have seen already. 

"Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom" repeats the same premise. Still, it gave me hope as the sub-plot concerning rich and stupid millionaires and billionaires purchasing dinosaurs through auction indicated the overall premise may finally take the dinosaurs off the deserted island and into places where they'd be the most terrifying. That place being anywhere else than a deserted island. I would love a movie with dinosaurs running through urban areas. 

My hopes crashed when "Jurassic World: Dominion" came out. It brought back the characters from the first movie, and they just did what they've done before - run from dinosaurs on a deserted island.
And that takes us to this movie. Only this time, the story includes criticism about pharmaceutical companies and the healthcare system.
The characters in "Jurassic World Rebirth" mutter throw-away lines like, "We don't rule the Earth. We just think we do" and "We're changing the environment, but that makes us the ones to worry about, not the planet. When the Earth gets tired of us, believe me, it will shake us off like a summer cold." Yawn! Who hasn't heard all that before?

As I said, the movies got close to turning the franchise towards a compelling premise, but the writers proved they can't break themselves free from this habitual storyline of theirs. They'd rather bore the audience than intrigue them with something new and even more dangerous, terrifying and more closer to home. 

I joked with my wife, who's a fan of the "Jurassic Park" movies that even though I dub them "Dinosaurs Chasing People part whichever" I really can't make fun of them as I'm a Godzilla afficionado and there's over 30 of those movies. 

Godzilla movies generally involve "the king of the monsters" attacking Tokyo or some other city while innocent people run in terror. In between all that, Godzilla will take on another monster, or multiple monsters at once such as in "Destroy All Monsters" (1968) and "Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack" (2001). 

Dinosaur ballet? 

Most of those movies manage to offer the audience something new, and they generally try to out-do the previous movie. 

The last Godzilla movie from Japan, "Godzilla Minus One" which is the 37th movie in the franchise according to Wikipedia, is absolutely fantastic. I think it's one of the best Godzilla movies since the first one, "Gojira" from 1954. 

The writers over at Toho Studios can take an IP as old as Godzilla and make a new, captivating movie that feels original after all these decades. 

With "Jurassic Park" it's the same premise with the same idiot characters. 

"Jurassic World Rebirth" is just another Hollywood finger wag about some dogma of theirs we all must acknowledge and bow to. This time, it's Hollywood lecturing audiences about how terrible our healthcare system is. Those writers really went out of their way to tie in a healthcare protest into a Jurassic Park movie. Slow clap!

Outside of Scarlett Johansson's character and the dad who's rescued with his kids, I just didn't care what was going to happen to anyone in this movie. 

Even by the end of the movie, I completely forgot about the boyfriend character. I didn't notice if he was even among the characters being rescued or not. Oh, spoiler! The people who weren't eat by dinosaurs are finally rescued at the end. Anyways, I had to ask my wife if he made it off the island as I didn't see any dinosaurs eat him.

There were a few plot points that I anticipated a good payoff for but got absolutely no payoff whatsoever. That was disappointing. 

In one scene, a Tyrannosaurus attacks the family as the try to escape down a river on an inflatable raft. The T-rex grabs the raft with its razor-sharp teeth and chews it ravenously. A few moments, later, the raft pops up out of the water fully inflated for the family to ride out of danger on. Spoiler - the inflatable raft survives! 

Lastly, the scene I've included below is definitely ripped off from "Jaws." Spoiler - this movie rips off "Jaws." 

This movie is just another cash grab that offers nothing new save for new characters, none of whom are interesting enough to grow invested in. 

I wanted to give this movie a 1.5 rating, but Scarlett Johannson wasn't terrible in this movie. She does a pretty decent job with what she's given. Hers is not a bad performance. So, I generously bumped up my rating to a two. You're welcome, movie. Thanks for nothing, though. 

25) The McPherson Tape - aka UFO Abduction (1989)

(2 out of 5)

Director
Dean Alioto

Cast
Tommy Giavocchini - Eric Van Heese
Patrick Kelley - Jason Van Heese
Shirly McCalla - Mom
Stacey Shulman - Renee Reynolds
Christine Staples - Jamie Van Heese
Laura Tomas - Michelle Van Heese 
Dean Alioto - Michael Van Heese

When it comes to the "found footage" horror subgenre, I find that the ones I've seen are great at building up only to end too abruptly. 

"Found footage" refers to a filming technique which presents the story as a home movie recording, made by a character or characters in the movie. It gives the impression that the movie is actually raw footage that was found and wasn't really intended for general audiences. 

The 1961 movie "The Connection" is often referred to as the first movie shot in this format.

When it comes to this found footage genre, three movies come to my mind. The first is "The Blair Witch Project." "Cloverfield" is another. And the alien abduction movie, "The McPherson Tape" which is also known as "UFO Abduction," is the third.  

The footage takes place on the night of Oct. 3, 1983. The McPherson family, who live somewhere in the Connecticut mountains, gather to celebrate Michelle Van Heese's (Laura Tomas) fifth birthday party. Her grandmother (Shirly McCalla) along with her children Eric (Tommy Giavocchini) who's Michelle's dad, Jason (Patrick Kelley), and Michael (Dean Alioto) are all there. 

Michael is the one working the family camcorder. Also, Michelle's mom, Jamie (Christine Staples) is of course there, too. Also, Jason's girlfriend Renee (Stacey Shulman) is joining everyone.

Everything starts off jovial enough. The scene is a typical family having a small get-together for young Michelle. 

For the first 20 minutes or so, the audience gets nothing but home video footage of this birthday. Nothing at all interesting happens as the movie forces us to sit and watch and wait for something interesting to happen.

They turn off the lights so Michelle can blow out her candles, but they can't turn them back on. 

Michael, Eric and Jason go outside to check out the breaker box. While doing so, some red lights from a UFO pass overhead. 

They decide to follow it as mysterious spacecraft appears to land not too far from their location. 

While they walk to the landing sight, they talk about how their mother has become an alcoholic since the death of their dad. 

The three guys finally come across the UFO on their neighbor's property. Alien beings are wandering outside this ship, investigating the surrounding wooded area. 

After one of these aliens sees their flashlights, the guys run back to the house. 

The guys lock the family inside and grab some shotguns all while hysterically shouting about what they just witnessed. Naturally, they freak everyone out. 

More red UFO lights shine in through the windows as a spacecraft flies overhead. They all think the spacecraft flew off and all the creatures they witnessed are now gone. 

Where the movie gets a little silly, if it isn't already, happens right about here. The guys find one of Michelle's drawings of an alien which looks just like the aliens they saw. 

Still, everyone calms down a bit. Some of them try to leave. However, the aliens are standing outside their house. 

Everyone rushes back into the house, clueless about what to do. 

Eric then shoots one of these aliens. Thinking he killed it, Eric brings it into the house. Who knows why? 

Well, once the supposedly dead alien is brought inside, it's clear where the story is going to go. 

The movie is good enough to keep me invested all the way to the end. I wouldn't call it an "edge-of-your-seat" sci-fi thriller. Still, it manages to be effective. 

But this found footage subgenre needs to be really good, and depict a really effective topic, otherwise it ends up underwhelming or not as satisfying as the producers surely want it to be. These kind of movies often miss more than they hit. 

What makes them unsatisfying is that the audience is generally left with no climax. "The McPherson Tape" ends just as the aliens enter the home. The family doesn't even see them enter, though the audience does. Their reaction, and whatever happens next is left to the audience's mind. Otherwise, it ends just when it gets really good. 

All the found footage movies I've seen follows this pattern. Just when sparks are going to fly, the credit start rolling. Yeah...yeah. I know. What happens next is left to the audience's imagination. Big wow! Am I supposed to call that great writing or magical movie making? 

"The McPherson Tape" tries to be serious, and it does a decent enough job in appearing authentic (for the most part). The aliens ruin it for me. They look like kids in black spandex and rubber alien masks. Otherwise, it's a respectable attempt at a "found footage" movie. 

Dean Alioto and Paul Chitlik remade this movie in 1998 titled, "Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County." I'm curious enough to look for it and see if it's any sort of improvement. 

24) The Avengers (2012)

(2.5's out of 5)

"The Avengers. That's what we call ourselves; we're sort of like a team. 'Earth's Mightiest Heroes' type thing."

Director
Joss Whedon

Cast

Robert Downey, Jr. - Tony Stark 

Chris Evans - Steve Rogers
Scarlett Johansson - Natasha Romanoff

Jeremy Renner - Clint Barton
Mark Ruffalo - Bruce Banner
Chris Hemsworth - Thor 
Tom Hiddleston - Loki

Samuel L. Jackson - Nick Fury
Stellan Skarsgård - Selvig
Gwyneth Paltrow - Pepper Potts 

I decided to put on Marvel's bar-raising and 5th highest grossing movie (according to ScreenRant.com), "Avengers." 

I haven't watched it since its release back in 2012 and I don't recall what I thought about it back then. I probably enjoyed it. I mean, I don't recall having any negative thoughts about it, though it was 13 years ago. Watching it now, it fails to impress. In fact, it's boring! 

Honestly, I lost interest in these Marvel movies ever since the fourth and final Avengers movie (so far), "Avengers: Endgame" came out in 2019. 

I mean, "Endgame" is the 22nd film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). Too much of a good thing isn't good. I have what the kids call "comic book movie fatigue." For me, "Endgame" was the climax of this whole MCU. 

Occasionally, a new Marvel movie pops up that makes me curious enough to watch it when it's released on DVD. Otherwise, the spark is gone for me. 

When it comes to comic book-based movies, which "Avengers" is for those who have no idea what Hollywood has been producing in the last 20-plus years or so, after Tim Burton's 1989 movie, "Batman," comic book movies took a more serious, gritty turn. And to some degree, that tone still exists in some of these movies. But I think Marvel brought back some color and a bit more light-heartedness to this genre. Sam Raimi's "Spider-Man" movies come to mind. I'm sure comic-book connoisseur would scream at me when I say that movies like Raimi's "Spider-Man" along with various other MCU films have a modern style and tone reminiscent of Richard Donner's "Superman" and Richard Lester's "Superman II."  "The Guardians of the Galaxy" vols. 1 and 2 along with the "Ant-Man" movies come to mind in that regard.

"The Avengers" is the first of four Avengers movies in the MCU, which several previous superhero movies focused on specific characters build up to. This movie picks up after those movies. 

In "Avengers," Loki (Tom Hiddleston), Thor's adoptive brother, meets a representative of an alien species called the Chitauri, who is referred to as "the Other" (Alexis Denisof). 
The Other wants Loki to get his hands on an energy source called a tesseract. If Loki can find and grab this tesseract, the Other will give him an alien army strong enough to conquer the Earth. So, Loki comes to Earth and begins his quest to find the tesseract and rule over the world.

So, where is it? 

This tesseract is located at a secret facility where Dr. Erik Selvig (Stellan Skarsgård) and a team he's leading is studying what it's capable of. 

Of course, Selvig and his team somehow activate the tesseract which opens a portal. And Loki meanders through it. That was easy! 

He snatches the tesseract and uses his magic-y staff to enslave Selvig and everyone in the lab including Clint Barton (Jeremy Renner), also known as Hawkeye- one of the Avengers in case someone out there didn't know that.

So, while that's going on, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), who previously brought the Avengers together, calls them to keep Loki from getting his hands on the tesseract and enslaving the Earth. 

To begin things, Agent Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson) heads to Kolkata to get Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) to locate this tesseract through gamma radiation. 

As the Avengers hunt down Loki, inner turmoil ensues as they argue how to approach and deal with him. The top covert agency, S.H.E.I.L.D., wants to use the tesseract as a way to create weapons of mass destruction against the threat of any invading aliens. I'm trying to simplify the plot. 

Eventually, these alien invaders arrive at Earth, and it's up to the Avengers to stop them. 

There's a lot of talking in this movie, interrupted by fighting scenes, followed by more talking scenes. 

Throughout the movie, the word "tesseract" is used again and again...and again. 

Chris Evans, Robert Downey, Jr., and Samuel L. Jackson.

"We have to find Loki and the Tesseract." "Keep working on finding Loki and the Tesseract." "Have we located Loki and the Tesseract?" "Where's Loki and also the Tesseract?" "Once we have Loki, we'll have the Tesseract." "Keep looking for Loki and the Tesseract." 

For all the talking this movie has, the dialogue feels dull and repetitive. You know... dull feelings that feel repetitive. 

All the characters, outside of their superhero costumes and persona, lack personality. I only find them interesting when they're fighting and battling and doing what superheroes are expected to do. Everything else is dialogue, pseudoscience, and more dialogue.

Robert Downey Jr's character Tony Stark/ Iron Man has some personality but outside of his being a pretentious, filthy rich, and ingenious character, that's about all we get in the personality column. 

He's a dry character, and he seems to intentionally be that way. The rest of the cast don't have much of anything other than looks and some fighting scenes to keep audiences invested. For a movie with so many characters to be as boring as it is, is kind of remarkable.  

"Avengers" is certainly proud of itself for being what it is, or at least what it perceives itself to be - a super, superhero movie. It is an ambitious project inclusive of a bunch of superheroes played by big name actors. Thankfully, keeping track of all the motives behind each character is easy to remember 

Otherwise, it's boring until the final battle in which something exciting actually happens. The movie takes itself way too seriously. It's enough to make even my roll my eyes. 

The movie is one big load of setting up for later stuff, though the individual superhero movies before "Avengers" which focus on one member of the team at a time, seems to do that, too. 

The movie kept me waiting for the action to begin or continue. It felt like a new experience when watching it on screen back in 2012. Now, I hear a fifth Avengers movie, "Avengers: Doomsday" is set to be released in May of 2026. Regardless, the novelty and sheen of these huge comic book movie mega-productions have since worn off almost completely, if not completely-completely, sometime between then and now. 

21) Batteries Not Included (1987)

(2.5's out of 5)

"They're the fixers. They like to fix things."

Director

Matthew Robbins

Cast
Hume Cronyn - Frank
Jessica Tandy - Faye
Frank McRae - Harry
Elizabeth Peña - Marisa
Michael Carmine - Carlos
Dennis Boutsikaris - Mason
Tom Aldredge - Sid
Michael Greene - Lacey

Unless I'm mistaken, the trend in science fiction movies back in the 1980s was to pack them with good feels and warmth, likeable and marketable aliens, and emotion. Plenty of emotion. 

I suppose audiences had enough of aliens from space flying to Earth to pick fights and melt peoples' brains as was common in the atomic age of sci-fi/horror movies during the fifties and sixties. And then

"Star Trek" came along and had humans explore aliens and their worlds rather than aliens explore Earth. "Star Wars" took Earth out of the equation all together and added drama, charm and epic fun to the genre. "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" gave aliens a more friendly face and gave the genre a more realistic depiction of how a government would react to visitors from space. These titles helped veer science fiction away from the trope of mean ol' aliens merely looking for a place to invade and a species to conquer. Of course, there was still room for unsympathetic and threatening aliens during this period. Ridley Scott's classic "Alien" (1979) came out after "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" and "Star Wars." 

When the 1980s came around, it seems audiences were treated to a generous portion of loveable, friendly, and just plain nice visitors from space and other science fiction-y characters. We had "E.T: The Extra-Terrestrial," "Starman," "Explorers," "Short Circuit," "D.A.R.Y.L." "Howard the Duck" and "Cocoon" among other such titles back in the 1980s. For sci-fi movies, they have the warmth and feels that have audiences returning again and again. That seemed to continue on until the bad aliens intruded their way back in and blew everything up in "Independence Day" (1996).  

Jessica Tandy as Faye Riley in "Batteries Not Included."

However, in this period of family-friendly feel-good sci-fi movies comes "Batteries Not Included." 

It tends to be remembered here and there but generally overlooked. 

The movie stars Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy and was directed by Matthew Robbins. 

Cronyn and Tandy play elderly couple, Frank and Faye Riley, who live in an antiquated apartment building that stands in the way of urban development somewhere in the East Village of lower Manhattan. 

Frank has been running a corner cafe in the same building since the glory days of the neighborhood back in the 1940s and 1950s. Time has marched on. Age has crept in like overgrown ivy. Frank is really holding on to the neighborhood as it was and all the memories that are now nostalgic black and white pictures holding up the walls.  

The other tenants in the building have been resisting the pressure to move out which the development manager, Lacey (Michael Greene) has been putting on them. 

So, as a not-so-final resort, he sends a thug named Carlos (Michael Carmine) to "convince" the tenants to accept Lacey's bribe to move and terrorize the ones who refuse. When they stand their ground, Carlos gets to them individually. He torments Marisa (Elizabeth Peña), a young single pregnant girl who lives in the building. He also breaks through the door of artist Mason Baylor (Dennis Boutsikaris). And he smashes some of the items which the maintenance man, Harry Noble (Frank McRae) keeps in his basement apartment. 

Lastly, when Frank refuses to be intimidated and digs his heels in to stay put, Carlos vandalizes his cafe. 

Some of the tenants do finally pack up and move. 

Mason's girlfriend, Pamala (Wendy Schaal) breaks up with him, takes the bribe, and leaves. Also, longtime residents Muriel and Sid Hogensin (Jane Hoffman and Tom Aldredge), who are friends with Frank and Faye, take Lacey's cash bribe as well. To them, the building doesn't feel like home anymore. Why hang on to the past?

Frank is really torn on this. He doesn't want to leave. Faye is suffering from dementia which is gradually getting worse. And he knows if things continue the way they are, he won't have a choice anymore. 

Just when it feels like the darkest hour is upon the apartment building, two small intelligent spaceship looking alien...things... sneak into their apartment to seemingly help out. Faye notices them right away and is thrilled at their presence. She calls them the "fix-its" as they have an ability to fix random items rather quickly. In fact, they even fix Frank's cafe perfectly. 

When she talks about them, Frank thinks it's a symptom of her dementia. The small flying saucers take up residents in a shed up on the roof. 

Faye introduces all the residents to these crafts, which seem harmless.

They begin to help by first luring Carlos to a shed up on the roof only to scare him. 

The robots also begin fixing items, as well as storing different parts of random objects up in the shed. 

Soon, the tenants begin relying on these robot spaceship creatures to help them win against Lacey and his hired thug, Carlos, and keep their building. 

The movie by the end of the second act, the film starts dragging its feet to get to the heart of the movie. It takes too long to get to the plot. 

Despite its uniqueness, "Batteries Not Included" is still a predictable story. It went pretty much where I thought it would, and a few inches more. Far enough for me to think to myself, "Oh, they actually did that" by the end. 

It has heart. It has its charm. It knows what kind of movie it wants to be - a sci-fi drama with a touch of whimsical elements, feel-good scenes, and some laughs. To be fair, it accomplishes that. Outside of that, it feels like there needs to be more. Something seems to be missing. 

Evidently, the story was intended to be an episode of Steven Spielberg's fantasy anthology series "Amazing Stories." But Spielberg wanted it to be something more...a movie. So, that's what it became. However, the story would probably fare better as a television episode. It doesn't need to be a feature film. 

Elizabeth Peña, Dennis Boutsikaris, Hume Cronyn, and Jessica Tandy.

It's not a bad story; it's just in the wrong medium. Stretching the story out to 107 minutes creates a sense of empty places where something important, maybe unforgettable, should be. It feels much more like an episode of an anthology series. Even the title sounds like something from a sitcom or a fantasy anthology show. I might be nitpicking there. Nevertheless, it feels like a working title or an early suggestion for one. Even so, it's slightly clever. 

The characters are interesting enough and worth getting invested in. And seeing the antagonists, from Carlos to the greedy and callous developers he's working for, get what's coming to them is satisfying.

It's intriguing (though, again. predictable) but not exciting.

While it really strives for that touching family movie sweetness, it becomes overly sweet after two of the flying saucers create a baby flying saucer together. I can't suspend reality that much. 

And the whole family friendliness goes out the window after Mason paints a completely unnecessary nude portrait of Elizabeth Peña.

It's a mediocre movie that tries to create interesting characters and an entertaining plot. Its strength falls short, unfortunately. I think part of the reason for that is the story tries too hard with the sentimentality. The heartstrings are really pulled, and quite effectively, when Faye mistakes Carlos for her deceased son.   

It's a movie to experience once, and then maybe watch it again 15 or 20 years later, on a Saturday evening when you happen to stumble upon it while flipping through apps trying to find something to watch in an undecided frenzy. You pick it because you it's getting late and you have to pick something. So, "Batteries Not Included" it is.   

17) Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992)

(2.5 's out of 5)

"I never noticed how important it is to be seen."

Director

John Carpenter

Cast
Chevy Chase - Nick Halloway
Daryl Hannah - Alice Monroe
Sam Neill - David Jenkins
Michael McKean - George Talbot
Stephen Tobolowsky - Warren Singleton
Jim Norton - Dr. Bernard Wachs
Pat Skipper - Morrissey


Despite the term "invisible man" in the title of the 1992 sci-fi comedy "Memoirs of an Invisible Man" as well as the movie's obvious nod to Director James Whale's 1933 movie based on the book "The Invisible Man" by H.G. Wells, I have to emphasize the word "an" also in the title. It's the memoirs of "an" invisible man. It's not "the" invisible man. 

The character that is the Invisible Man tends to be linked horror despite Well's story being a science fiction book. The 1933 film maintains a bit of that science fiction feel. The 2020 remake of "The Invisible Man" has a much heavier sci-fi tone than the original film. Yet they're both thought of more as horror movies likely due to Both versions keep the story's dramatic side, however.  

"Memoirs of an Invisible Man" is based on the novel of the same name by H.F. Saint which has been described as a thriller. Regardless, this movie has all the feels of science fiction with thrilling elements thrown in. So, I'm posting my thoughts about it on this platform. 

In this movie Chevy Chase plays stock analyst Nick Halloway who's working out in San Francisco. After work one evening, he heads to his favorite high-end club for a drink.
There, he runs into his buddy, George Talbot (Michael McKean). George introduces Nick to a friend of his, Alice Monroe (Daryl Hannah) whom Nick takes a keen interest in. 

She works as a documentary producer and the two hit it off really well. In fact, they both set up a lunch date. 

Nick ends up getting drunk that night, and has a nasty hangover the next morning, Still, he has to get to a company shareholders meeting at Magnascopic Laboratories. 

During the meeting, he sneaks off to find a place to sleep off some of his hangover. He finds a quiet spot in someone's empty office. 

Meanwhile, some lab tech accidentally spills his coffee on a computer, which causes a shortage that leads to a small explosion. 

Some kind of fluke of science occurs resulting in parts of the building turning completely invisible, including Nick.

This odd situation grabs the attention of corrupt CIA agent, David Jenkins (Sam Neill), along with other agents, while they investigate the invisible building. 

Nick panics as he tries to wrap his head around what just happened to him. After all, he suddenly can't see himself as he moves objects around. Jenkins sees these objects moving by themselves, obviously meaning someone turned invisible. 

They rescue the invisible Nick out of the building and place him in an ambulance. 

While he's in the ambulance, one of the agents makes a comment about how Nick will be studied by scientists for the rest of his life. 

Naturally, Nick freaks out even more at this notion and escapes. 

Rather than inform CIA headquarters, Jenkins decides to pursue Nick and turn him into the ultimate CIA secret agent. 

Nick goes on the run, trying to hide from Jenkins and his CIA stooges. They've already broke into his apartment in an attempt to locate Nick. So it's no longer safe there. Instead, he hides at the club, and then approaches Dr. Bernard Wachs (Jim Norton), who was speaking at shareholders meeting at the time of the incident, to ask him if he can reverse his invisibility. 

From there, he hides out inside George's beach house out near San Francisco, unbeknownst to George. In fact, no one except Jenkins knows he's invisible. They don't know what has become of Nick.  

Jenkins gets a hold of Nick's background information and considers him a nobody - somebody who was already invisible before he literally became so. 

Nick sneaks into Jenkins office, which is more like a villain hideout, and tries to see what information they have on himself. 

Jenkins eventually figures out Nick is in there and tries to talk him into recruitment. But Nick is appalled at the thought of killing people. 

However, Jenkins goes out of his way capture Nick and force him into the CIA's service. Meanwhile, Nick frantically tries to figure out a way to live as an invisible man, and be able to support himself in this unfortunate situation. He reveals himself to Alice shortly after she, along with George and a couple of their friends, suddenly arrive at the beach house for a vacation. They have no idea he's as they settle in for a few days. 

The only interesting parts of the movie are Chevy Chase function as an invisible man, and the early special effects that surround that, as well as watching the two main characters work out a 

Chevy Chase and Daryl Hannah in "Memoirs of
an Invisible Man."

relationship under these unusual circumstances. 

A lot of those invisible man details are clever, such as one scene in which the audience can see cigarette smoke fill Nick's lungs. In another scene, Nick sees the Chinese food he's eating start digesting in his stomach, which makes him throw up. 

Everything else in the story seems contrived, which is weird when considering the movie is about an invisible man. Sam Neill's CIA character, and the entire villainous CIA agents, act more like mafia thugs than actual agents. They get in the way of the story, despite the sense it makes that government officials would take keen interest in a man who's suddenly invisible. This plot point is badly written. 

In fact, if the CIA agents weren't so villainous nor such a big part of the story, and the film focused more on Chase trying to function as an invisible man along with Daryl Hannah's character trying to work out their relationship, the movie would be more memorable and entertaining. With Chase being cast in the lead role, less chasing would leave more room for him to be the comedian he's good at being. The way the story is, he's forced to focus more on surviving and escaping capture than throw in more comedy. It also doesn't give Chase and Hannah enough time to work off of each other. What a shame!

The movie doesn't need this evil, sinister antagonist from beginning to end. 

All "Memoirs of an Invisible Man" has to depend on for its entertainment value is the invisible man parts, and the special effects.  

13) Explorers (1985)

(2 's out of 5)

"We're going where no man has gone before."

Director

Joe Dante

Cast
Ethan Hawke - Ben Crandall
River Phoenix - Wolfgang Müller
Jason Presson - Darren Woods
Amanda Peterson - Lori Swenson
Bobby Fite - Steve Jackson
Dana Ivey - Mrs. Müller
James Cromwell - Mr. Müller
Robert Picardo - Starkiller, Wak, and Wak and Neek's Father
Dick Miller - Charlie Drake

A sizeable handful of 80s and 90s movies have Joe Dante's name attached to them.

His movies have passed on through the tunnel of pop culture with seemingly flying colors, landing gracefully into modern times where they're enjoyed with nostalgic glee.

Dante directed "Gremlins" and "Gremlins 2: The New Batch," as well as "The Howling" "InnerSpace" (which I'm trying to get my hands on so I can comment on it here), and "Small Soldiers" among other popular titles. 

But his movie 1985 sci-fi adventure "Explorers" doesn't quite seem to reach the same lofty nostalgic heights of wide-range appreciation as some of his other movies. 

I only remember "Explorers" from seeing it on the rental shelf of my childhood video rental store, "California Video" back in the 90s. I've never watched it until a few days ago. 

Ethan Hawke, in his first big screen role, plays Ben Crandall - a teenage boy who is having a reoccurring dream where he's flying around in the sky until he's flying over a circuit board that resembles a city like something out of "TRON." 

He wakes up as the TV in his bedroom is still on, playing "War of the Worlds" from 1953. Classic! 

Right away, he scribbles the circuit board image he saw in his dream into his notebook..  

He can't wait to tell his friend, Wolfgang Muller (River Phoenix) about his vision. This is also Phoenix's first big screen appearance, by the way.

Wolfgang is a young genius who's interested in computers and science. You know... smart stuff.
Ben also has the hots for a girl in his class named Lori Swenson (Amanda Peterson). Like most boyhood crushes, Ben is preoccupied with the uncertainty of whether Lori likes him or not. Other than that, she serves no real purpose to the story outside of being the object of the main character's affection. 

Wolfgang and Ben invite Darren Woods (Jason Presson), a kid from their school, into their clique. 

Like most other 80s movies with child cliques, the boys are often bullied by the worst bullies imaginable. Darren helps Ben get out of near beating by the school bully, so he's in. 

River Phoenix, Ethan Hawke, and Jason Presson in "Explorers."

Once Ben shares his vision, Wolfgang jumps right into building some kind of computer microchip based on Ben's sketches. 

This newfound tech somehow generates a solid floating electromagnetic bubble. This zany bubble of his has the capability of travelling great distances at high rates of speed. 

Wolfgang observes that it's unhindered by inertia. The possibilities are limitless as to what they can do with this free-floating bubble technology. It can surely take them places where they otherwise can never get to...like outer space!

Darren manages to sneak Wolfgang and Ben into a junk yard where the boys help themselves to parts, including a car from a carnival ride. 

Together, they build a space craft which they name "Thunder Road" after Bruce Springsteen's song. 

Later, Ben has more dreams about flying through the sky towards a massive circuit board. And Wolfgang meanwhile creates a device to produce unlimited oxygen. 

With all these amazing scientific breakthroughs, the three boys come up with a plan to explore space and search for alien life. 

Their test flights take them all around above their town. Of course, they crash into things like the local drive-in. They're also spotted by police flying in a police helicopter. One of these local officers in the copter, Charlie Drake (Dick Miller), sees one of the child-pilots and thinks he's an alien. 

This close encounter spurs Drake to investigate this "UFO." He finds their ship hidden in a ravine and realizes it's clearly the work of kids. This somehow means something to him, reminding him of something from his past. 

The boys finally launch their ship into space - the final frontier. 

While cruising around in space, their picked up by an alien ship somewhere far away from Earth. After exploring the unusual spaceship, they meet some of the aliens who inform them that everything they know about Earth, they've picked up through television signals. 

There are some well-known names in this movie. To begin with, it stars Dick Miller and Robert Picardo. These two have appeared together in some of Dante's other movies. Both are in "Gremlins 2," "InnerSpace," and "The Burbs" which stars Tom Hanks. 

Dick Miller, a veteran actor, was also in the first "Gremlins" as well as "Matinee," "Small Soldiers" and several more recent Dante movies. 

There's even a 2014 documentary about him called "That Guy Dick Miller." He's been in a large number of Roger Corman movies as well, including "Little Shop of Horrors." Miller is an absolute legend in my book. 

Aside from these guys, and not to mention the young River Phoenix and Ethan Hawke, there's more big

names associated with this picture. Composer Jerry Goldsmith does the score. His tunes can be found in a ton of well-known movies and TV programs. 

Voice actor Frank Welker adds some voices in this movie. And my personal favorite detail, the name of the school in this movie is Charles M. Jones Junior High. Charles, as in Chuck, as in Chuck Jones, the animator. Looney Tunes fans know who he is! 

Chuck Jones has a cameo in "Gremlins" by the way. Otherwise, he's one of my favorite artists. In my book, he's as iconic as Norman Rockwell. And I love his work as much as that of Mort Drucker, Al Jaffee, Jack Davis, Angelo Torres, Sergio Aragonés and the eternally ever popular Don Martin. You know... the "usual gang of idiots!" 

Alright, enough fan boy-ing.

"Explorers" is a love letter to the sci-fi genre. It feels like a mix of "E.T: The Extra-Terrestrial," TRON," "The Goonies," and a hint of "The NeverEnding Story" mostly because of Ben's flying dream sequences. It also reminds me a little...just a little... of "Ghostbusters." The kids' personalities are similar to the personalities of the three initial ghostbusters from the first movie, which came out the year before. 

Wolfgang is a scientific whiz like Dr. Egon Spengler. Ben has a happy-go-lucky spunk and eagerness like Dr. Ray Stantz. And Darren has an unimpressed temperament like Dr. Peter Venkman.

"Explorers" came out the same year as another masterpiece of science fiction cinema, "Back to the Future." So, it had some rough competition in the theaters. Another popular sci-fi movie also came out that same year. I'll get to that one in my next review. 

There are dozens of science fiction movie references throughout this movie - "It Came from Outer Space," "This Island Earth," "War of the Worlds," "Star Trek" and of course the mother of all sci-fi flicks, "Star Wars." 

"Explorers" is a fun imaginative family adventure movie. It moves along nicely... until the kids make contact with aliens. And then it crash-lands from there. It goes from imaginative and fun to absurdly cartoonish, obnoxious, and irritating. 

The aliens they meet think earthlings communicate like way people present themselves on television - in cartoons, in gameshows, in news programs, and so on. Their nerve grinding contact with these absurd looking aliens drags out well past its welcome. 

And then the movie ends on an underwhelming note. 

At a screening of "Explorers" at the New Beverly Theater back in 2008, Dante said, "The problem for me is that the movie you'll see is not the movie I wanted to make. It's the movie I got to make up to a certain point and then had to stop. It's hard for me to look at it, cause it's not the film I quite had in mind." 

I can see that! It really shows. 

There must have been more backstory to Dick Miller's character. Unfortunately, it's built up and then remains unvisited. That subplot is a bit of a letdown.

Generally, Dante's movies are imaginative and relatable. They're creative and often have a lasting power. The fun Dante must have in making his movies shines through them. His stories are often adventurous without leaving the backyard (except for this, of course, since the kids are leaving their backyards for outer space). He manages to keep the elements simple though the stories have some complexities within. 

Still, "Explorers" is what it is. And what it is, is enjoyable...to a point. Watching it, my thoughts went from "this is pretty good" to "what the hell am I watching?" That's no exaggeration. 

I'm really curious to know what kind of movie Dante wanted to make. I know I've said this before about other movies, but if there's a movie that should get a remake, it's this one. And if that were to happen, I really hope Dante directs, and makes the "Explorers" he initially wanted to make. 

11) SpaceCamp (1986)

(2 's out of 5)

"There's no room for mistakes. Every 'i' dotted, every 't' crossed. That's the way I learned it. That's the way you'll learn it."

Director

Harry Winer

Cast

Lea Thompson - Kathryn Fairly
Tate Donovan - Kevin Donaldson

Larry B. Scott - Rudy Tyler

Kelly Preston - Tish Ambrose

Leaf Phoenix - Max Graham

Kate Capshaw - Andie Bergstrom

Tom Skerritt - Zach Bergstrom

In the crowded halls of 1980s cinema where nostalgia reigns supreme, some films are more fondly remembered than others. 

In the case of the 1986 sci-fi adventure movie, "SpaceCamp," it's just not talked about much, if ever. I'm unsure how fondly remembered it is. Does it have any kind of following? It just doesn't get the same attention as other movies from the same period - not even as a unique thing that happened once upon a time.

It's based on an actual space camp operated by NASA in Huntsville, Alabama, which I think is still in operation today. 

"SpaceCamp's" June of 1986 theatrical release was bad timing at its worst. Just a few months before it hit theaters, the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded killing all seven crewmembers on board. I don't think NASA has been a bastion of appreciation and American pride since. But that's another topic for another time. While that tragic event isn't mentioned in the movie, I've heard it's referenced in the movie novelization. 

Anyhow, I've heard more about much worse movies from the eighties such as "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie" and "Howard the Duck" than I have about "SpaceCamp" from all the nostalgia fiends I subscribe to. Then again, "SpaceCamp" probably has redeemable qualities about it compared to those movies, but who cares about that? It's way more fun to point out the worst of the worst.

In this movie, a bunch of kids are attending NASA's summer space camp in Huntsville. 

For a few weeks, they'll learn about space travel and all that other NASA stuff. 
The movie follows teenagers Kathryn Fairly (Lea Thompson), Kevin Donaldson (Tate Donovan), Rudy Tyler (Larry B. Scott), Tish Ambrose (Kelly Preston) and 12-year-old Max Graham (Joaquin Phoenix - credited as Leaf Phoenix). 

Max is obsessed with "Star Wars" and often plays out his tasks like something out of the movie. So, he naturally gravitates towards, and becomes pals with, an intelligent but faulty robot named Jinx. 

The robot was originally designed to perform work out in

space. Thanks to its consistent overheating, and the way it takes voice commands too literally, it's decommissioned and doomed to roam the halls of space camp. Naturally, Jinx and Max declare themselves to be best friends forever. 

The camp instructor is astronaut Andie Bergstrom (Kate Capshaw) who isn't very enthusiastic about being an instructor. She's frustrated that she hasn't yet been assigned to a space shuttle mission. Instead, she has to train a bunch of teenagers, and Max, how to fly around in space. 

She's married to an astronaut and the camp's director, Zach Bergstrom (Tom Skerritt), who has walked on the moon. 

Meanwhile, Kathryn has a dream to be the first female space shuttle commander. 

Kevin also has a dream which involves Kathryn. That dream only started at the beginning of the movie. So, he hits on her as soon as he arrives. 

Kathryn's dreams are put on hold for a bit when Andie makes Kevin the shuttle commander in their simulated space flights. Kevin lacks maturity and responsibility, so he gets to be commander. 

Rudy, by the way, hopes to open a fast-food restaurant out in space. And Tish has a photographic memory though she's a tried-and-true Valley girl.

The usual camp hijinks ensue, like Kevin and Kathryn sneaking out after curfew for some "star gazing."

However, Jinx the literal robot, gives them away to Andie as they're breaking curfew.

Kevin blames Max for ratting him out, though it was Jinx's fault. He snaps at Max, who takes it pretty hard. While alone pouting over Kevin being a jerk, Max wishes he could fly in space. 

Jinx overhears this and works his magic.

The campers are allowed to sit on board the Space Shuttle Atlantis with Andie during a standard engine test. Jinx goes into NASA's computer room and intentionally causes some sort of malfunction. 

This causes the shuttle engine to ignite while the teens (and Max) are on board. So as not to cause a major catastrophe, launch control is forced to ignite the other boosters and launch the shuttle into space. 

The shuttle isn't ready for space flight. It doesn't have the necessary radio power to operate in space. And the oxygen supply is limited. There's no way it'll last until re-entry. Regardless, up they go and use whatever knowledge they have to get back to earth.

When they're out in space, Andie maneuvers the shuttle towards the space station which has a supply of stored oxygen. 

Meanwhile, the kids in the shuttle try using telemetry to communicate with ground control. And Tish tries to send Morse code which ground control doesn't pick up. 

Andie exits the shuttle and tries to reach the cannisters of liquid oxygen attached to the space station. Unfortunately, she can't reach them. 

The crew need someone small enough to maneuver through the tight spaces of the station to reach the cannisters. So, they send Max. 

He almost winds up floating aimlessly in space away from the shuttle. 

After Andie saves him, Max panics at first as he tries to get the cannisters. Kevin uses the old Jedi mind trick to boost Max's confidence. This proves to be helpful, and Max obtains the oxygen. It also helps Max and Kevin bury the hatchet and be friends again.

Leaf Phoenix as Max in "SpaceCamp."

Jinx overhears this exchange between Kevin and Max, and gets really super robot-jealous. 

Distraught with a broken robot heart, he barricades himself in the computer lab and threatens to press his self-destruct button that was, for reasons perhaps explained in a deleted scene, built into his system. 

Jinx contacts the ground control crew through the computer system threatening to do himself in while expressing his undying love (or what his robot circuitry thinks is undying love) for Max. 

Jinx also tries to contact Max to tell him how much he loves him. Since communication is limited, his message can't reach Max who's floating around in space, tethered to the shuttle, trying to get some extra oxygen. 

So, Jinx pushes his self-destruct button. Fortunately, there's a malfunction...because it's NASA.

Jinx is arrested by the robot police and immediately sentenced for robot crimes against human emotion. Max hears about this while out in space and can't stand being apart from Jinx at a time he needs his buddy most. In a moment of absolute despair, Max untethers himself from the shuttle, and floats away into the abyss of space. He's surprisingly rescued by a race of aliens calling themselves Starthulians from a planet known as Drxxyisius VI. 

Their leader, Kleeborp, explains that on their planet, they have no concept of love. So, Max has to explain this and all the other outlandish, silly ways of earth. And hilarity ensues.  

Ok...I made all that up about Jinx, Max, and Kleeborp because the rest of the movie is ridiculously predictable. What really happens is that the kids are accidentally sent into space. There are problems. Death and doom are imminent. Ground control nearly locks out Max in space as they take over the shuttle by autopilot. Kevin ends up maturing real fast which lasts for about five minutes, and overrides the autopilot to save Max.

Tish's Morse code finally reaches ground control. Though the shuttle missed the window of opportunity to land at Edwards Air Force Base, Kathryn thinks they can make it by landing at White Sands in New Mexico. They're going to land there no matter what. And they do. 

"SpaceCamp" is a summer camp comedy mixed with the drama that could have easily popped out of the head of someone like John Hughes and be a space version of something like "The Breakfast Club" or some other 80s teen movie. It tries to be advanced, maybe sophisticated, as it's completely wrapped within a promotional plug for NASA. 

"SpaceCamp" wants to be taken seriously. It has a slight hint of sci-fi fantasy thanks to the inclusion of Jinx. It's also an adventure thriller, and a kid's movie, and a teen flick. 

There was a lot of potential for "SpaceCamp" but thanks to lousy dialogue and a boringly predictable premise, it takes a nosedive into the heap of seldom spoken of 80s movies. It's a story seen over and over again. 

Even with the music composed by the legend himself, John Williams, nothing really stands out in this movie except Lea Thompson from "Back to the Future" simply because she's Lea Thompson from "Back to the Future." And it's Joaquin Phoenix's second film. So, there's that.

I'm sure science and astronomy fans might find this movie interesting in some way or another. 

Tate Donovan, Lea Thompson, and Kelly Preston.

And maybe 80s nostalgia buffs fawn a little more over "SpaceCamp" than the rest of us as it has all the typical tropes of the decade. 

Lea Thompson is the cute intelligent overachiever who's there to actually be an astronaut someday. In other words, she takes her time at the camp seriously. 

Then there's the cool hot guy, Kevin, who doesn't take much seriously and has the hots for Lea Thompson.  

There's the Valley girl who's cute but not cute enough to take the lead. She's there to help make science look hip and fun, as though anybody can take on science. She spouts lines like, "Well I did this audit at GPL on Radio Astronomy; it was unbelievable! I mean can you imagine an extra-terrestrial disc jockey? I mean like listening to radio waves from space? I mean like waiting for signs of intelligence?"

Yeah! Like... total Valley girl!

Rudy is the token black guy. And Max is the dorky kid who just wants to be a part of the team while living in his own little Star Wars world. 

Finally, there's the adorable sidekick robot who becomes "friends" with that kid.

"Max and Jinx... Friends... For-e-ver."

Content-wise, there's really nothing wrong with "SpaceCamp." It has its appeal as a family movie. 

I feel like it wants to be a crazy hijinks-filled kids camp movie but also wants to tread on a more intelligent level because NASA is part of the equation. It's NASA trying to appeal to the "new generation" - totally rad and awesome science, man - while trying to be above that. 

With its timing amidst harsh opinions about NASA, there's no chance "SpaceCamp" could have been a success back in 1986. And whether it managed to gain a cult following or not since then, I honestly don't know. 

The movie just sort of exists out there as this thing that has since come and gone. 

It feels like you'd watch as part of an attraction at EPCOT Center rather than a feature film.  

At the bare minimum, it has an entertaining innocence about it as soon as the crew makes it out to space. And the actors do as good a job as they can with what they're working with. 

Otherwise, it's a dry "adventure" that doesn't offer much except a sales pitch for NASA's camp. Even that is done rather poorly and without much thought. The last thing NASA needed to attach its name to shortly after a horrific shuttle disaster is a movie about a shuttle disaster in which the lives of youth are threatened thanks to a faulty NASA robot. Well done, NASA. Wasn't there enough egg on your face already?

10) Meteor (1979)

(2.5 's out of 5)

"Shit! Five miles!"

Director
Ronald Neame

Cast
Sean Connery - Dr. Paul Bradley
Natalie Wood - Tatiana Donskaya
Karl Malden - Harry Sherwood
Brian Keith - Dr. Alexei Dubov
Martin Landau - Gen. Adlon

Henry Fonda - The President
Trevor Howard - Sir Michael Hughes
Richard Dysart - Secretary of Defense

I've been busy most of April and some of May with moving from one state to another. And now that I'm in a new state, I'm busy establishing a new life and adjusting to a new job. To make a boring personal story shorter but still just as boring, my sci-fi DVDs along with, well, all the rest of my DVDs are all packed in storage. So, I'm veering off my lineup of movies for this blog and my horror blog, 1000daysofhorror.blogspot.com. 

In the meantime, I have to take potluck...cinematically speaking. 

Case and point - "Meteor." 

This 1979 star studded sci-fi flick isn't much reminisced about in the sci-fi flick world. 

Clearly attempting to piggyback off the impressive visual effects of "Star Wars" released two years early, that's where "Meteor" strives to make a big impact of its own (no pun intended).

And when I say star-studded (again, no pun... nevermind) I mean it. Sean Connery takes the lead role as Dr. Paul Bradley. He shares the screen with Natalie Wood, Karl Malden, Brian Keith, Martin Landau, Henry Fonda, and Trevor Howard. 

"Meteor" is the "Airport" of science fiction disaster movies. 

A meteor measuring five miles long is hurdling towards Earth. 

The huge meteor is a splinter created when the asteroid Orpheus is struck by a comet. Smaller fragments are also heading to Earth and are expected to cause some devastation in certain parts of the globe. But the meteor is going to make impact in just a few days. It's expected to bring about mass extinction so someone on Earth better do something or...it's all over. 

The United States does have a super-duper secret weapon - a satellite missile called "Hercules." It was created by Dr. Paul Bradley (Sean Connary) who designed it for such a global threat like a meteor. 

However, U.S. Armed Forces took over the Hercules and pointed it at the U.S.S.R. which really wasn't a smart move, all things considered. 

Unfortunately, when the meteor is discovered, and scientists start working out the calculations and details, the missiles on the Hercules won't be enough to stop it. 

The Soviet Union happens to have a weapons satellite called "Peter the Great" equipped with 16 nuclear warheads. And their satellite is pointing right at the U.S. 

Turnabout is fair play!

So, the President (Henry Fonda) goes on television and tells the nation about Orpheus and Hercules, and asks the U.S.S.R. for a joint effort in destroying the meteor before it makes impact. 

To make that happen, Dr. Bradley specifically requests Soviet scientist Dr. Alexei Dubov (Brian Keith) to head Russia's side of the effort. 

Bradley and NASA worker Harry Sherwood (Karl Malden) lead the United States' side of the plan. 

Dubov brings his interpreter, Tatiana Donskaya (Natalie Wood) to assist and create a bridge of trust among all involved. Of course, she also captures Bradley's attention. 

Once the fragments start impacting the earth, time is of the essence to destroy the huge meteor. And all the world is praying that the planet's only way out of global extinction will work. 

When it comes to disaster movies between the 1950s into the late 1970s, they normally don't involve a scenario that'll lead to global chaos and death.

Rather, they involve chaos on a smaller scale like a capsized cruise ship in "The Poseidon Adventure" (1972), or a massive fire in a high-rise office building like in "The Towering Inferno" (1974). In fact, it's worth mentioning that "Meteor" director Ronald Neame also directed the latter. 

The 1973 movie "The Crazies" centers around a man-made virus that causes permanent insanity and ultimately death, but even that is only within the confines of a small Pennsylvania town. 

Outside of Godzilla movies, and anything involving alien invasions, "Meteor" is the only movie I can think of between 1950 to 1980 where the entire earth is at risk thanks to a natural phenomenon.

"Meteor" manages to be entertaining to a point, but it's gruelingly slow and laughable at times when it clearly doesn't intend to be. The majority of the film is dialogue mixed with overly intense shots of the meteor slowly floating in space.

I'll get this remark out of the way. The effects are mostly laughable. There's no other way to put it without beating around the green screened bush. They're a mix of colored filters, stock footage (or what looks like stock footage), models, and on-set special effects.  

Fragments hit the World Trade Center, destroying it and a lot of New York City in general. When the fragments destroy the NASA facility everyone is working in to monitor the meteor, which forces survivors into the New York City subway just as the East River begins flooding it, the impact of the meteor is still 15 minutes away. The Russian and U.S. missiles are slowly making their way towards the meteor, taking their sweet time as though they're taking inspiration from Stanley Kubrick's "2001: A Space Odyssey."

"Meteor" is heavy in the scary apocalyptic dialogue against an imposing musical score. The audience is treated to a variety of different angles of the same meteor floating towards earth in order to really drive the point home to the audience that this is the meteor of all meteors. 

The funniest parts, whether it's intended or not, occur each time Sean Connary swears. I mean it when I say Sean Connary's swearing is music to my ears. Normally, I don't care for excessive swearing for swearing's sake in movies. However, coming out of Connary's mouth makes me grin from ear to ear. In fact, I'm calling it. Connary's swearing is the best part of this movie! 
"Why don't you stick a broom up my ass? I can sweep the carpet on the way out," he says in one scene. 

The best swear scene occurs when Harry Sherwood briefs Bradley on the situation. Sherwood tells him, "That meteor is five miles wide, and it's definitely gonna hit us."

Bradley's reply is a swift and natural, "Shit!' 

It is, without a doubt, the most perfect utterance on screen of that one word in the history of film profanity. The timing and promptness behind the way Connery says it is nothing but pure, Connary-an genius! Pardon me while I wipe a single tear from my eye. 

Anyway, how about this exchange that occurs later in the film?

"I just wondered if you had taken time to eat," Tatiana asks Dr. Bradley.

"Yes, I had some coffee," he replies. 

The dialogue is something you just have to hear for yourself. 

The movie has a lot of buildup. That buildup is followed by more buildup, which is followed by even more buildup. All that buildup is so overly dramatic, it's almost entrancing. 

Sean Connary and Karl Malden in "Meteor." 

There's one colossal scene, music and all, with characters glued to their monitors as the Russian and U.S. satellites turn towards the meteor. It's not only amazingly dramatic, it's impressively silly as well. I wish I had timed how long that particular scene is.

After what seemed like 10 to 15 minutes of the most epic satellite turning I've ever seen, it just ends. The story shifts (finally) to some destruction as a splinter meteor strikes the side of a mountain at some Swiss ski town which causes a massive avalanche.

The final destruction of the five-mile-long meteor has the longest explosion and close-up of an explosion I've ever seen. It's almost hilarious.

All the realism behind the completely out-of-touch airheaded government leadership is more real than the special effects. They bumble their way around the issue completely unable to cover their hypocrisy and everyone else but themselves recognize it, particularly the Russians.  

"Meteor" is a mix of serious intensity, randomness, and very dramatic effects that I'm sure the producers must have been really proud of. It takes itself way too seriously. 

It wants to be a dramatic sci-fi spectacle. Honestly, I can't tell if it actually accomplished being the huge spectacle it intended to be or not. I laughed at all the wrong parts. And several times I uttered, "what the hell am I watching?" 

The movie does manage to entertain with all its seriousness and Connary swearing. It really tries to be a monumental sci-fi disaster movie. If it succeeds in the end, it definitely does so for completely different reasons than what the producers likely intended. Getting through it was one hell of a trip.